The Man I Love

Good morning, everyone. These day, I try to get up early. I feel waking up at around 7 o'clock gives me good luck.

Well, this morning, I would like to talk about "The Man I Love."

I do not know why but, I seem to like elderly man more than young people.

I assume that it is that I was mentally abused by my father.

But if we try to search the reasons, we can come up with anything to back up our speculations. And speculations are speculations. So, I try not to look for reasons why, but to accept "the Now"; that is, I like mature men.

I think this is not to be ashamed of. Oftentimes, any other people look down on me because I like those people, but I do not care.

There are many celebrities whom I like.Let me give you who I like

Huruya Ikkou (Actor; I like his SOOO much! I cannot forget his sensual scene in "Shitsurakuen".)

Nagatsuka Kyouzou (Actor; he graduated from a university, and went to French university. And he got a role of a French movie after he went to lots of audition)

Brother of "Nakagawake"( he seems to have suffer from PAnic Disorder).

Michael Douglas (He is awesome! I was so stressed out, and my uncounscious told me that I should rent "Basic Instinct(Kourino Bishou)"  Oh my Gosh, he's got gorgeous body!!!!

Well, there are more people who I like.

Who do you love, ladies??

Dead Man Walking

  Recently, I see the movie, "Dead Man Walking" directed my Tim Robbins and it features Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn. This is the TEN times that I saw the movie.

  This movie gives us a very very important question.

  "Are we able to give someone a death penalty; otherwise, should we give them a life sentence?"

   I do not know about this perfecly.

But this movie gives me a very good opportunity to consider "life sentence versus death penalty."

  And truth will make you free.

(I am not a communitst, and I do not prejudge communist people because I know little about communism.)

Differentway

　A while ago, I saw the wedsite which tells me that i was unable to pass the exam of Osaka. Of course, I was discouraged. and.... discouraged. I thought I had passed it.

But things do not work out the way we expect them to work out, do they?

   So, I was really down and not willing to do anything.

   But I survived.

   Now I feel much better than before.

   Right now I feel I will go to a kind of different direction; that is, I will engage in a different job, not a teacher.

   Life goes on.

coming out in Japan

"Is it necessary to come out?"

I guess that most gay people have asked themselves if they should come out or not.

While I was in U.S.,I luckily happened to see a very good gay counselor who is very open-minded, very honest, very freindly and kind, wonderful, respectable man.

I still keep in touch with him.

And thanks to him, I came out to my friends and parents.

Well, indeed there were conflicts between my parents and me but, now there are hardly any troubles.

But when it comes to the Japanese society, it does not welcome gay people.

For example, two days ago, I talked to the professor as well as the therapist who specializes clinical psycology.

He rejected me as soon as I came out.

The reality in Japan is,,,,,

Those who sticks out will get hammered down.

It may well be that the disadvantage of coming out is greater than the advantage of that.

I try to get accustomed to the Japanese culture which involves homophobia but it is very hard for me to accept it.

To live in this country comfortably, firstly accept this culture and criticize this culture.

That is an important thing, i feel.

But for me, American culture or Canadian culture was so good for me; it helped me raise up my self-esteem. And I cannot forget those culture which welcome gay people.

I know I must get used to this Japanese culture but I do not know how, although I am Japanese.

Resume -challenge for the future-

I have just written my resume and I'm ready for the interview of the part-time job.

The average people would think, "oh, it's just a part-time job!Why do you have to write just a arubaito thing on the Blog?"

Well, it may be so for many people; but, it is not for me.

I have not had enonugh coonfidence to get into to the society: the real world.

As I was not able to get myself immersed into the school environment in Ehime, I lost my self esteem, a great deal.

But since I began going to the institution for freewheelers or those who want to get a job here( it is called "ai- work（愛work）", I feel that I have changed.

I talked to the job counselor and began exploring myself, I feel like I am changing.

Now I AM READY TO GO.

I will have the interview @ a famous restaurant here in Matsuyama.

just a little bit nervous.

PS: I wish the interviewer would be a handsome,sexy, choi-waru man^o^.

Visiting Ooita Prefecture

Yesterday, I visited Ooita prefecture, and met my gay friend. He took me to the place that few books of sightseeing spots in Ooita show us: the Sano botanical garden (I guess I remember corectlly).

But, to our regret, the glass greenhouse of the botanical garden was closed at 17:00 o’clock. So we could not see the rare plants which we can hardly see in Japan.But from the window of the greenhouse, we were able to see only some of the plants. I wanted to see more, of course.

The good thing is , however, there was a kind of a small shallow river which is filled with hot water, like a hot spring. We scrolled up our jeans and walked the trailer. Beside the river, there was “the healthy lane” (I myself named it^0^). If you walk on the lane, it will push your pressure points located on the feet, tsubo in Japanese.

It often hurts our feet, and we said “Ouch!” time and time again, but I myself felt so good while walking.

It was a shame that we could not see the plants but we had a good time in bathing the mild hot water and walking on the street that has many little bumps (dekoboko in Japanese).

Love Jam & Lewis!!!

  Today, I got CDs. They are my favorites.

  The singers are.....

  Cherelle

   Mint Condition

  Sounds of Blackness

  The S.O.S Band

  The common denominator is that they have much to do with the pretty famous, and the great producer: Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis.

  Actually, they used to be in a band called "The Time", which Prince welcomed in into their music family. But because Jam&Lewis was 30minutes late for the concert due to the heavy snow, they were abandoned by Prince.

  Then, they became producers and produced big and many hits.

   Many people know and acknowledge the fact that they beacme famous figures thanks to the success of Janet Jackson. She used Jimmy Jam& Terry Lewis and created good music album "Control".

  Cherelle is a very good singer, whose big hit is "Saturday Love" duet with Alexander O'neill.

  Mint Condition is a funky organic band; they make their songs by themselves and you could hear their good slow jams. Jam & Lewis are their executive producers, and I think the producer gave them pieces of advice.

  Sounds of Blackness is the gospell band consisting of around 40 people. You could hear their dynamic sound and voices. Also Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis evoluted the existent gospel style.

  The S.O.S band is the first singers (band I should say?) that Jam & Lewis produced in the beginning of 80's, and you could listen to their mellow songs as well as funky music.

  In fact, they are all not so popular but many critics say they make very good music, probably because of jam&lewis.

  I am one of those critics. I am a big big fan and admirer of Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis.

  You can listen to them if you go to the site of "YouTube".

  Check them out!;-)

Prejudice - a voice from the opressed-

Today, about two hours ago, I watched the TV program called "atomic bomb victims (Hibakusha) in Hiroshima who are still suffering metal illness."

Those who got atom-bombed by the nuclear bombs by America are STILL suffering.

They have been facing prejudice, discrimination. And they have gotten stigmatized ever since atomic bombs were dropped into Hiroshima.

Because of my work, I could not see the whole program, but every Japanese people do not seem to understand them and their hearts and feelings.

These prejudice, stigma produce strong stress , and finally they have traumas in their psyche.

Of course,this applies to us: gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer people.

We are minority.

Most people in Japan (& other countries) do not have the right "knowledge" about us, which produces prejudice and discrimination.

This fact gets a lot of sexual minority people to suffer mentally; According to many researches of sexual minorities in countries such as Japan, America, Australia, gay people tend to be much more anxious than heterosexual people, and quite a few people have considered committing suicide in thier life at least once, because of thier sexual orientations.

This leads them to smoke, do drugs, drink alcohols, etc and some of them are addicted to them.

This is NOT a good situation at all.

What do we need to improve this situation?

Have you seen Queer as Folk?

Even if you have not seen it, it is okay. Let me show you this phrase which has the point. (Micheal's mother said it to Brian's boyfriend(Jesus, I forgot the name of him!)).

"Educate them or shoot them."

Well, "shoot them" is too strong a phrase but I insist that education have a key in chaning students mind. That means "teachers" have a very very important role.

I think this is a big issue so I will continue to think and write about this on this Blog.

But it is really a shame that only a few teachers in Japan came out in schools.

For non-Japanese people: How to comment on my Blog

Thank you for coming to my Blog so far.

I bet Japanese viewers know how to comment on my Blog,

but I figure that non-Japanese people don't know how to do that.

Please click ”コメント”　at the very bottom of my diary.

The word, "コメント" is the small word but you can find it

I'm looking forward to reading your comments.

Any comments, criticism, impression, are welcomed!!

Qigong

　Yesterday, at the gym, I experienced "Qigong" for the first time.

   It was fabulous(^0^)/.

Using both hands, they control air and relax their feelings and emotions.

  For example, you sit and make an "invisible" ball with your hands and move it to the right and to the left , and to the above and to the below.

  What was more interesting is that the instructor of "Qigong" uses very relaxing original music; you, for instance, will listen to the sound of the ocean, Hawaian music, Okinawan music, music of Kitaro( who was nominated for grammy award six times and got it once).

  Lastly, we lied down on the floor and imagine.

The instrucutoe said, " Imagine what is the most wonderful and unforgettable secene in your life. For example, Blue. What do you  remember your past great experiences related to blue?"

  This seemed to be soooo relaxing in addition to music and somewhat dark lightning that ,finally,  two men got asleep and SNORE!!!

  This sound of snoring kind of prevented me from imagining the good things in the past and getting relaxed.

   I figure that everyone but those two people were annoyed by the snoring.(^^;).

   But overall, that "Qigong" lesson was very worth having.

   I can do that in my room. Why don't you try it?